Run for the Roses ... or the Alpo
BEST QUOTE OF THE TOURNAMENT: "My strategy was working
perfectly until my chariot flipped."
Mike Stanley | Light
Anthony Musella | Light
Steve Katz | Medium
Josh Githens | Medium
C. Goodwin | Medium
K. Wojtaszczyk | Medium
Francis Czawlytko | Light
Mike Hazel | Medium
Dan Dolan | Heavy
Tom Stokes | Heavy
There were ten entries for the finals with two eligible drivers
opting for other finals. There were three light, five
medium, and two heavy chariots. In contrast to the Circus Maximus
Junior race, which was undoubtedly sponsored by the Alpo dog
food company, the Circus Maximus final was sponsored by the SPCA.
Nothing of note happened until turn 2 when the gold (M) attacked
gray, the slowest chariot for two horse hits. Yellow (H)
thanked gold for starting the carnage with three horse hits of
On turn 3, the gold (M) attacked yellow; gold (M) attacked
purple; yellow (H) attacked purple; and green (H) attacked blue.
All of these attacks resulted in only one damage to each target.
The green driver then pleased the crowd by putting two hits on
gold's horse. In a fit of excitement over getting these two hits,
the driver entered the 17 lane with a written speed of 19. The
result was a SS, however, it suddenly dawned on the driver that
his speed was now 24 since he had whipped for 5. The true result
for a 7 over was a flip result. OOPS...Tom Stokes took 10th place,
a small gold medal, and an early exit.
The tone of the race was set when every attack on turn 4 (and
there were seven of them) failed. On turn 5 purple (M) rolled
12 damage roll to orange's horses (four hits). Black (L) moved
to the inside lane to run through the 8 lane in one turn, daring
the others to lash him into the wall before the next move.
On turn 6 yellow (H) hit brown for one horse hit. Purple took
up black's challenge and attempted to lash him into the wall.
Black had obviously sacrificed at least one sheep to the dice
gods, since he won the die roll. Black easily made the 1 over
roll when his chit was drawn.(maybe he sacrificed two sheep.)
Blue (M) went 4 over in the 8 lane and only did one injury point
his left horse.
On turn 7 purple (M) hit the gray horse for a hit. Black and
Brown were fighting for the lead at the end of the turn.
On turn 8 Orange (M) attacked the brown horses for two points.
In another lapse of memory, he whipped for 4 putting himself
4 over in the curve. He forgot that his cart was still in the
curve. One injury point to the orange horse put there by the
On turn 9 purple (M) attacked yellow and killed the only horse
to die in the race. Meanwhile, at the front of the pack, Black
had his chit pulled before brown could attack him. Black must
have set up a slaughterhouse to sacrifice every sheep in the
On turn 10 purple (M) attacked the orange horse for a hit.
Black (who was now sacrificing doves in massive numbers) was
the second chit pulled. Gold (M) went 4 over for a double sideslip
result. Unfortunately for yellow, his inside horse was
standing next to the gold chariot waiting for the dead outside
horse to be cut loose. Since yellow could not evade the attack,
he took a hit. Gold paid a movement point for his attack and
did not have to sideslip even one lane. Yellow cut loose the
horse and vowed revenge.' "
On turn 11 the yellow (H) cart attacked the gray (L) chariot
wheels. Both carts were damaged. Gray took two points of damage
on his left wheel and another by rolling a 2. Yellow took only
one point of damage. Gray went 4 over into the curve and sideslipped
into an involuntary attack on white, who evaded. Gray, hoping
to give enough speed to yellow and purple to flip them, whipped
their horses as he went by. Only one extra point of speed for
each chariot was achieved. Brown was pulled before Black, but
Black evaded the attack. By this time, there was not a sheep
or dove to be had at any price. Gold hit the yellow horse for
Turn 12. There is bad, and then there is truly bad luck. Gold
in a massive display of pacifism, successfully ??? hit three
different horses for a grand total of 0 points. (This from a
+1 medium cart.) Purple hit the gold horses for a point, just
demonstrate that he did not have nerf wheels. Again Black easily
evaded Brown's attack. (Rome was starting to swelter under the
smog coming from Black's sacrifices.)
Turn 13 was uneventful with black (Max speed 22) finishing
his move on the wall just before the 8 lane, and Brown (max speed
19) three spaces back as they approached the final turn.
Turn 14. Gold once again missed two attacks. (The SPCA had
obviously bribed the driver.) Purple hit blue for two horse
damage. The Black chariot memorial altar again did it's job as
Brown failed in his attack to swerve Black into the wall. The
lapped heavy Yellow chariot awaited the leaders in the home stretch.
Down the stretch they came on turn 15. Yellow moved just before
On turn 16, continuing his previous performance, Gold successfully
?? lashed the Gray driver with a wet noodle for no effect. Black
flew across the finish line to win. Back in the pack, Blue, continuing
the tradition, put 0 damage on the Orange horses in his successful
attack. Purple did one horse damage to gray.
On turn 17, in line with the tone of the race, Purple successfully
hit the Blue horses for 0 hits. Blue, contaminated by the pacifism
of Purple did 0 hits to the Orange horses. Brown finished 2nd.
On turn 18, Purple attempted to regain some bit of pride by
attacking Blue again.... Yep, 0 hits on the horses again.
White took 3rd, and Orange 4th place. Blue showed that he at
least had hubcaps on his chariot by nicking the Purple
horses for a hit.
Turn 19 was mercifully the final turn as the bored spectators
began filing out of the colosseum. Blue finished 5th. Just to
complete the indignity, Gray lost his whip to Purple with a lash
attack. Purple took the whip and 6th place. Without a whip, Gray
faded to 7th place. Gold finished 8th. With only three horses,
and a lap down, yellow settled for 9th.
The consequences of this race were many. A mob of angry spectators
tried to get their money back, claiming that this was
not a real circus maximus race. The SPCA sponsors celebrated
long into the night. The green driver had to write 10,000 times
on the blackboard: "Whip speed adds to written speed for
using the strain table." The yellow driver wrote: "If
the chariot is
in the turn, you are in the turn." The pit crew of the gold
was instructed in no uncertain terms that they would never again
polyurethane hubcaps on the chariot rather than the metal ones.
Because of the many sacrifices of black to the dice gods, all
varieties of sheep and doves were put on the endangered species
list. 300 acres of old growth forest had been clearcut for fuel
for the sacrifices. Rome was in an uproar for weeks. Were it
not for the Circus Maximus Junior game, the emperor would have
had to flee to the countryside for his own safety.
For more details on the game Circus Maximus we suggest
you visit: http://pbem.brainiac.com/circmax/
CIRCUS MAXIMUS JUNIOR
were 13 little charioteers for the contest. Any thought that
this would be a sweet fast race by children was quickly dispelled.
The first one to pick a chariot wanted the one with spikes on
the wheels! There were seven heavies, five mediums and only one
light chariot. The carnage began on turn 1 when the heavy green
chariot driven by Alexander Smith was attacked on the
right by the heavy black chariot driven by Karl Henning and on
the left by the red chariot driven by Jed Shambeda for four hits
on the #1 horse.
The 2nd turn was a bloodbath. Red attacked the pink chariot
(the only light) driven by Alex Henning for four points on her
horse. The heavy blue chariot driven by Erica Kirchner attacked
and killed the #1 horse of green. Blue then went on to fail in
an attempt to hit the purple chariot driven by Rebecca Hebner.
She was not so fortunate when the heavy black chariot did five
hits to her horses. The Zebra chariot driven by Jordan Flawd
was unsuccessful in an attack on Michael Sanders' gray horses.
Showing no mercy, Alex Price in the yellow chariot hit the #4
green horse while the #1 horse was dead. James Kendrick, the
British entry driving the orange chariot, avoided two attacks.
On turn 3, Michelle Arnold, driving the brown medium, seeing
the carnage behind her, tried to go through the 17 lane at five
over. The chariot flipped. She cut loose and started running
knowing that her death would benefit no one. When purple was
drawn, however she had to go through the 17 lane where Michelle
was standing or go through the 12 lane at five over. Rebecca
apologized for it as she ran her down. Thus did the 13th place
get claimed. The green driver resigned, taking 12th place since
he was down to two horses. The zebra chariot lashed gray into
the wall to squeals of joy from the crowd. No Roman colosseum
everhosted a more blood thirsty throng. So much for 11th place.
On turn 4, Joshua Arnold driving the white lost his whip while
attacking pink. On turn 5, the yellow horses turned red as three
different chariots hit and killed two horses on the team. Thus
was the 10th place decided.
On turn 6, the heavy gold driven by Patrick Crowe attacked
the purple chariot's wheels. Both were damaged. Gold got four
damage which went to five when he rolled a 4. The purple cart
took seven hits.
Turn 7. Red hit the blue horses for six hits & killed
Turn 8. Gold put three hits on the black horses. Purple rolled
a 7 and got her eighth wheel hit as another spoke gave way.
Purple's wheel gave in and flipped on turn 9. Black charged
into the final curve at nine over!!! He got one hit on the right
hand horse but finished his move with the chariot still in the
corner. Black ran down the purple dragged driver as the crowd
cheered madly. Black posthumously took 9th place.
On turn 10, the light pink chariot driven by Alex Henning
whipped for five (leaving her only one endurance left) and won
the race. The zebra chariot received wheel damage and flipped
in the home stretch.
On turn 11, the orange driver trampled the dragged zebra driver
giving Jordan 8th place. On the last turn, the wheel on the gold
chariot splintered but Gold was dragged over the finish line
for second place while body surfing. Orange took 3rd. Black took
4th, white took 5th, red took 6th, and blue took 7th.
All of the charioteers received commemorative medals and the
winner, Alex Henning received the plaque to add to her family's
burgeoning collection. The race was one of the bloodiest and
most brutal races that this GM has ever witnessed in several
years in the circus. And this was only two laps long. It was
also the loudest with people four doors away hearing the cheers
of the diminutive drivers throughout the race.
Alex Henning, CT
Patrick Crowe, VA
Karl Henning, CT
Joshua Arnold, VA
Jed Shambeda, PA